I was only a child

I was 8 years old, my life was of daily beatings! Even if I did nothing wrong, my mum took pleasure in beating me with no matter what – belts, poker, shoes, anything. One thing I wanted in my life was to be loved by my mum but my mum didn’t love me, she had me in and out of care like a yo-yo. Myself was all I had but I did have my dad he never beat me. Then you came along and brought me juice and crisps, etc things I never had so I trusted you. For a while everything was ok, you gave me hugs, then after a time things changed. You know what you did was wrong, you told me if I ever told anyone no-one would believe me, you told me you would kill my mum and dad and brother and take me away where no-one would find me.

I was terrified, you had such a hold on me there seemed no escape, at those times I wanted to die, if I was in care I felt safe but only to go home again. At times I ran away from home, lived on the streets, kind of being free from you helped me but it didn’t last long. Again I was in your hands. I felt alone, dirty, unloved, unworthy. You took my childhood away from me. You sexually abused me for 7 years. I grew up trusting no-one, blaming myself for what you did to me. I only had 10 years of happiness but that is not what this is about. The pain inside me has been hell! And for years I hid this terrible pain inside me, you mucked my head into the way I am even now. At times I tried to kill myself but that didn’t work, only to wake up to torture locked up again, will it ever end. God had a plan.

But this won’t go on forever you see my life has changed I am now a Christian, have been since July 2008, was baptized Aug 2008. Yes you are, so to speak, still wanting to rule over me, I still have nightmares, lock myself away and get so down. But being a Christian we are taught to forgive people even the likes of you! I can’t forgive you overnight this will take time but let me tell you something, I will be free! Oh yes I will be free! “God is your judge,” he will be the one to judge what you did to me. I have a lot of friends now in my life who do love and care for me so all I am saying is time will heal me, and I say I will be free! I won’t be that little girl anymore! NO WAY! NOT EVER!

Anon