Edinburgh Women's Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre

Online safety

Online, not everyone is who they say they are. These are the five steps of ‘grooming’ (the way stalkers and abusers prepare young people).

1. Forming a friendship
This is where someone becomes friendly online or in a game and asks for personal information, often through private messages. It is very common for the abuser to be much older but not always. You may be asked for your age/sex/location or even your mobile number. You might be asked for a photograph, or if you have a webcam.

3. Risk assessment
You might be asked about the location of your computer, whether you have it in your bedroom or another private space, or whether it's in the living room where anyone could see what you are doing. This may be to establish how much risk there will be in making sexual remarks or sending photographs.

4. Exclusivity
This is about building that 'exclusive' relationship; suggesting that they are close or even in love and that they can tell each other anything.

5. Sex talk
At this point the abuser will start to introduce 'sex talk', talking about what he/she could do and wants to do to the young person, asking for or sending explicit photographs or for sex acts to be carried out in front of a webcam. It may be at this time that a personal meeting is arranged.

This grooming can be a long process and the person who does it is often very believable, sometimes not only grooming the young person but the whole family. You may be told that the person you are building this relationship with is another young person, and he or she may be, but it's better to play safe online.

Danger signs!

• If the person emails you pictures which make you feel uncomfortable and which you would not want to show to anyone else.
• If the person wants to keep their chats with you secret.
• If the person tells you that you will get in trouble if you tell an adult what has been going on.
• If the person wants you to email them picture or use a webcam in a way which makes you feel uncomfortable.
• If the person shares information with you and tells you not to tell anyone else about it "...you are special ...etc."
• If the person wants to meet you and tells you not to let anyone know.
• If you find any of these danger signs you must tell your parents or another adult.

Online safety tips

• Make sure your bebo/facebook profile isn’t completely public. At the very least, only let ‘friends of friends’ access it. Even if you haven’t put your address or phone number up, think about what someone could learn about you from all the comments and messages on your wall!
• Don’t add people you don’t know as friends! Which is more important: getting to 300 friends, or being safe? Actually, don’t answer that.
• If you’ve put your mobile number or address up, think carefully. Can all your friends see it? That might not sound too bad, but think about all the people on your friends list – that boy in the year above you who you pass in the corridor all the time, the person in your corner shop, the woman you met at your church last week… do you really want all of them to be able to phone you?
• If you’re on an online forum, RPG, or chat, don’t use your full name as your username. ‘katiemcdougall96’ gives away quite a lot.
• If someone in a game or chat thread PMs you and asks for your phone number, full name, address, what school you go to, or to meet up, don’t give them it! You don’t know whether they are who they say they are. If you’re really worried, tell a trusted adult.